Grateful

Following is a poem I wrote in the wee hours of Thanksgiving morning, while my dad was in the hospital with a terminal cancer but still offering guidance and beauty to our world. I'm grateful he was able to read this poem while he was still in the form of my dad, and that he heard between my lines of poetry all of the love and appreciation I hold for him.

Thank you flows between souls,

like a pact to see and be seen.

Grateful, graceful. You helped,

and I noticed. Your selflessness

met my openness and a moment

of shared intention synced us,

like a song, with a lovely line

of deep bass harmony

holding it up.

Thank you bubbles out

when a door is held,

a cookie is offered on a tray,

or a hand lifts a weary soul

from a sunken spot. My need

and your need meet.

A giver cannot exist

without an open hand, or a heart,

ready to receive.

The two sides of gratitude

can get complicated,

when a receiver doesn't see

the reason for the gift,

or doesn't think to like

the method of delivery.

The massive sneeze

that delivered the head cold,

that showed me rest.

No! thank you. I don't want

experiences that bite and sting.

I want sunshine, not a storm.

Yes! please. I'll take another

of that playful day when all was well.

Just the rainbow, pretty please,

I'd rather skip that thunder part.

What's that, you say?

There isn't this, without that?

Crap. Somewhere deep,

beneath desire, I see

that a song of glad falls flat,

without the deep, pulsing

harmony line of sad.

A lotus blooms in mud.

My happy is stuck

without the muck.

Contrast offers clarity.

Thanks for that. Ouch.

Louder, please? Yes,

thank you for the hurt!

Because of pain I know comfort.

Pinch me, I'm real.

Gain and loss are bookends

to my life. Breathe out

to make space for in.

Weary collapses, like compost.

The thanks that I'm giving

this year is deep, and dirty,

Thank you, world, for showing

me what it feels like

to be. In all of its complexity.

The raw, red-eyed reality

of love and loss.

I'm grateful for the opportunity

to feel. Grit/Great. Full. Real.